I’m generally a pretty laid back sort of guy. Sometimes, however, I get intense.
Many years ago I enrolled in a two-year leadership program. This class was to meet for a week every other month. In the first few minutes of the first day I noticed people were jockeying for their ranking in the class. There were two dozen strangers who each considered themself a leader. Somehow we knew we had three days to establish our ranking in the class and after that it would be difficult to move up the ladder. I knew I needed to join the game or get left behind. Frank clearly established himself as number one and held that position for two years without interruption. I was comfortable with my number four or five position in the pecking order but was constantly aware of those close behind me. I didn’t care if I moved up or not but I certainly didn’t want to lose a position.
More than fifty years ago the coach announced we would be wrestling for the next few months. I loved sports but I hated wrestling. While I was fairly coordinated I knew I was a tall skinny kid with very little upper body strength. I was never a star athlete, I just wasn’t that coordinated but at the same time I was far from being a klutz.
I was matched up to wrestle David. David had never shown any interest in sports nor had he ever exhibited any athletic ability. I would have greatly prefered to have been matched up against our star athletes Jim or Bud not because I could beat them but because it wouldn’t be embarrassing to lose to them. I couldn’t afford to drop from my middle of the pack ranking by losing to David. He wasn’t easy to beat and it took me far more effort to win than I would have normally put into a sport I hated.
I’m more motivated to establish a respectable position in the pecking order and maintain it than I am to move up through the rankings to become number one. At the same time pride won’t let me give any ground without a fight.
I often think I’m wrong for holding on to either my pride or my unwillingness to put forth the effort to be the best there is or ever was.
Ed VanDeMark 
It must be a guy thing, Ed. I’m sure women do this too, but I haven’t noticed. lol
I hope this finds you well, my friend.
It may just be an Ed thing. I’m doing well and how are you doing?
Hmm, Ed. Hadn’t guessed this about you. I’ve always just figured we should do our best, and let that rank wherever it does.
I can be very competitive. When I played sports I always competed against myself. I always expected my best effort of myself. If that meant I lost the other guy was just better than me and that was okay but if it meant I skunked you a hundred to nothing that is what it was. I didn’t mean to hurt or embarrass anyone I simply had to give my best. Yet when someone started catching up to me I reached deeper to see if I had just a little bit more to give. I knew I didn’t have star quality skills but I was pretty good and I didn’t want to be beaten by someone with less ability if I could dig deeper to stay in front of them.. As Mary said earlier it’s probably a guy thing.